The Relationship Blog

We’d Have a Great Relationship if it Weren’t for You.


Regaining Love and Intimacy Through Mutuality.

How often have you wanted to say: We’d have a great relationship if it weren’t for you with no hedging or justifications? For those who think that is being negative, the problem is not in the statement but in all the exhausting, disguised, and devious gyrations we go through to attempt to prove it rather than just be open about this thought.

$14.00 (incl. tax) 

or Purchase on Kindle


This book provides you with the support to drop all pretenses with your partners in a loving, respectful, yet fresh and passionate way. It offers you a new way to look at yourself and your partner so that you can move beyond the places where you are stuck.

Is Your Relationship Stuck in the Difference Game? All intimate relationships that are painful, chaotic, or stuck have one thing in common: the partners involved focus on their differences to prove that “one of us is better than the other.” To protect themselves from the fear and vulnerability of greater intimacy, they sacrifice their love, passion, and closeness.

Finally there is a book which helps couples move beneath their surface differences in order to recognize this basic truth: in any committed relationship both partners are the same – absolutely equal in their capacity for love and intimacy. With clarity, wit, and vivid examples, “We’d Have a Great Relationship if it Weren’t for You” shows how the innovative process of mutuality can replace drama and distance with lightness and joining, can greatly reduce the possibility of divorce, and can transform restrictive sex lives into ones that are loving and free.

Key Premises:

  • Only those who believe they are unequal choose divorce
  • Only equals can be intimate
  • Each partner in a relationship has the same capacity for intimacy

“We’d Have a Great Relationship if it Weren’t for You” is excellent in helping couples to move beneath their clashing differences, including bridging the gender gap, as they discover the loving connection contained in their sameness. It can also cut the divorce rate in half by moving beyond the righteousness that leads to divorce.

By challenging couples to see themselves in a whole new way, this dynamic book can lead relationships out of the divisive, judgmental thinking of the difference game and into greater acceptance, passion, satisfaction, and fulfillment.

Purchase on Kindle

Purchase in Paperback :

Reviews from Notable Authors & Experts

“…an invaluable guide for moving couples out of conflict and into greater passion and intimacy. The love affair is ‘mutual’ between Bruce Derman’s book and me.”
–Dr. Pat Allen, author of “Getting to ‘I Do’”

“If you’re in a relationship of any kind, Bruce Derman’s wonderful book is a must…creative, thoughtful, amusing and touching…”
–Shirley Bass, M.F.C.C., host of “The Family Therapist”

“…will blow the cover off all your games and breathe new air into your love, sex, passion, and intimacy.”
–Fredrick Wiedmann, Ph.D., author of “Between two Worlds: The Riddle of Wholeness”

“The concepts of mutuality versus the difference game can help couples move out of blaming battles and into acceptance, respect, and caring.”
–Margaret Paul, Ph.D., author of “Inner Bonding”

Reviews from Amazon

“We’d Have a Great…” challenged me to focus on the never changing equation in all of my relationships…me. This book is for those who are ready to roll up their sleeves, do some soul searching and put an end to the blame game. Every chapter and example provided me with “Ah-ha!” moments and left me feeling empowered and re-energized. It is not about finding the “right man” or the “right woman”; it is about obtaining intimacy, true intimacy, through the practice of mutuality. Be an active participant in your relationships, read the book!

Read More

Purchase on Kindle

Purchase in Paperback :


Comments are closed

© Dr Bruce Derman 2014. All Rights Reserved. - Couples Therapy Woodland Hills Los Angeles - Sitemap