The Relationship Blog

Understanding The Emotional And Psychological Characteristics In The Divorce Process

Going through a divorce can seem overwhelming and extremely stressful to any couple or family. Friends and family share so many stories that it is difficult to know what is true or what to expect. I have put together a list of what I consider to be divorce truths that can serve to help anyone feel more grounded in going through this difficult passage. My desire is to help couples see beneath all the noise and smoke, so that they can more easily address the decisions they are facing.

  1. Couples divorce the same way that they do marriage.
  2. Emotional agendas determine the time and difficulty of the divorce process.
  3. The power of the divorce process needs to match the power of the conflict within the divorcing couple.
  4. What kind of divorce a couple wants is represented by their behavior not their words.
  5. There are four levels to a divorce agreement:
    • Mental
    • Emotional
    • Physical
    • Spiritual
  6. In order to create a spiritual and emotional divorce a couple needs to express to the other that “I love you and I no longer want to be married to you” with no blaming, anger, debating, justifying, or arguing.
  7. A complete divorce includes agreements over several areas:
    • Legal
    • Economic
    • Parenting
    • Emotional
  8. The capacity of each divorcing partner to be accountable will greatly influence their movement through the divorce process.
  9. In the long run children care more about how their parents relate during the divorce than any material or security loss.

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