The Relationship Blog

The Hole


THE HOLE is a fable that dares to go where no fable has gone before….

Into the depths of our emptiness and nothingness where we fear that life is meaningless. It is clearly a place that is largely unknown to many of us and thus exposes us to our greatest fears, especially during times of great loss. Yet without a willingness to go through this door, we are destined to live in constant turmoil as we ride on an endless emotional roller coaster.

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Dirk and Dawn, to all appearances a perfect couple, certainly never wanted to go there. However, when confronted with an empty, bottomless hole in their home, they had no choice but to face all the dilemmas it presented them. You will be amused at all of the solutions that they attempt to use to fill the hole, many of which you will identify as choices you have made in your own life.

With the help of a wise little man, who understands the nature of empty holes, you will experience their ongoing struggles in a continuously challenging dialogue with him that will appear at times humorous and transforming. If you can move through this journey with them and come to totally accept your own emptiness, you will discover a love, passion, and power that will serve as a guide for the rest of your life.

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Reviews from Amazon

5.0 out of 5 stars Entering the Unknown and Embracing It December 25, 2010

If Dr. Bruce Derman offers therapy as well as he writes then he must be booked for months ahead! This book, THE HOLE, is a clever fable and as Derman obviously knows, people relate to fables well. The story has been excerpted many times on this review site and this reviewer will not repeat the fable as written. But the story behind the fable as presented by Derman, as well written and wise though it is, is not the same experience as reading for yourself. The concept of deciding to embrace the unknown rather than continue running from it in fear is in many ways the basis for therapy. Derman develops this concept by using a ‘perfect couple’ encountering a threatening other and eventually, together, accepting and actually jumping into that unknown mysterious and terrifying other and finding a better relationship and life because of their commitment shines a light on the path each of us must encounter if we are to grow.In Dr. Derman’s introduction, succinct and to the point and brief though it is, offers some of the warmest supportive and therapeutic advice yet published. If everyone would just simply add this book to their library and offer it as gifts to those about whom we have concern as they face emptiness then this chaotic world would begin to make sense, allowing us all to move on – enlightened. Highly recommended reading!

5.0 out of 5 stars A Well Structured Lesson On Life December 24, 2010

This book is a modern day fable written by a psychologist to teach the reader the importance of being one with yourself and not needing the acceptance of others to lead the life you enjoy. Dirk and Dawn are a couple that seem to lead the perfect life. They both have high paying jobs, they entertain friends regularly, wear the best clothes and have an expensively furnished house. As the fable goes along we wonder if their lives are so “perfect.” When a mysterious hole appears in their living room floor, their whole world seems to come apart.One can wonder why a hole could cause so much turmoil but as the two obsess over the hole and try fruitlessly to fix it, they get more dismayed emotionally and incredibly stressed. All attempts to fix the hole from hiring contractors to just covering it up are futile and in fact, the hole continues to grow.One day a strange little man appears who seems to know their issue and claims to be able to solve their problems. Dirk and Dawn are desperate and let the little man do his thing. However, to get to the solution will definately take them out of their comfort zone and make them realize that all they thought about the world was shallow and not really correct.This is a very quick and fun read and I greatly enjoyed it. Thank you Mr. Derman for sending me a copy of your wonderful book!

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