Diet from swallowing life and learn to chew things up

Diet from eating other people’s comments and only eat your own thoughts

Diet from building your life around global abstract words like don’t be RUDE and Selfish,

Diet from giving others the vote as to what you do or say

Diet from pissing away or denying your sexuality

Diet from hedging your own power

Diet from personalizing everything

Diet from regarding disappointment, powerlessness, and emptiness as the enemy and seeing them as your best friends

Diet from proving, defending and guarding

Diet from being secretive

Diet from distrusting yourself

Diet from living with one foot in and one foot out and be willing to put two feet in or out

Diet from being ashamed of being ashamed

Diet from being afraid of being afraid and learning to be willing to be afraid

Diet from being inauthentic and incongruent

Diet from not loving yourself

Diet from futurizing or living in the past

Diet from rejecting your sadness, which is the doorway to the depth of your life.

Diet from immediate gratification

DIGNITY
ECONOMY
AND MUTUAL RESPECT

SO THAT THEY CAN PREVENT
THE WOUNDS OF THE PAST
FROM BECOMING THE SCARS OF THE FUTURE

ASK YOURSELF

• Are you contemplating going through a divorce?
• Are you not sure if you are ready for the consequences of divorce
• Are you fearful of the economic, emotional, and psychological damage to your family as a result of a hostile divorce?
• Are you searching for a way to divorce that will assist you with this process, while also desiring to respect the needs and interests of everyone involved?

If your answers are YES to these questions, then southern california Divorce Mediation can provide you with assistance in resolving the issues

For further clarification click here and see if you relate and identify with the following divorce scenarios

To determine the degree of conflict in your relationship so that you can know what kind of process you will require in your divorce click here.

(818) 375-7194

All of us at some time or another are faced with sexual issues that interfere with our sexual relationships, whether it is impotency, premature ejactulations, sexual disinterest, orgastic problems, or just overwhelming fear.  I offer the sexual partners that I work a whole different way of looking at these issues by questioning the sexual definitions that we have all been conditioned to believe in. So in my model, instead of sex being defined by the occurrence of vaginal intercourse, I regard sex as any energy that is exchanged between two people regardless of the form being expressed.  The energy may be sadness, scared, provng, feeling obliged, aggression, or even sexual distinerest. Every part of your humanity offers a possibility to expand what is allowed in your sexual bed. No longer is your bed divided into acceptable behaviors being placed above the bed and unacceptable parts hidden beneath the bed.   By expanding the bed in this way each couple learns to transcend the whole notion of some behaviors being considered disorders and every night or day provides the possibility to be sexual together.  A second change in this model is that orgasms are no longer just seen as one familiar picture. Here orgasm is defined as a 100% of anything you experience, with the emphasis on each person passionately expressing whatever is authentic for them at a given time from head to toe.  From this expansive change in perspective my couples see themselves as sexual everyday, and no longer ask their partners “if they feel sexual tonight. ”

Those who are able to shift their conditioned perspective to the one proposed in this model of sex to fit current times, will feel much freer to be who they are with their partners since their beds will no longer be ruled by judgemental thinking, right and wrong, good and bad, and staying within very familiar boundaries. Some of them are even able to celebrate the title of my chapter on sex in We’d Have A Great Realtionship If it weren’t for You  called the Joy of Unsatisfactory Sex.  Think about it. If doing unsatisfactory sexujal behavior is allowed, how could your time in the bedroom be anything but satisfactory since you no longer have anything to fear or dread.

USING THE AIKIDO PHILOSOPHY WITH HIGH CONFLICT DIVORCE

BY BRUCE DERMAN, PH.D. AND MARY STODDARD, PH.D.

Divorce is not an easy life passage in the best of circumstances, since it involves making crucial lifetime decisions about marriage, children, money and property at a time in which we all feel very vulnerable and fearful. Despite those dilemmas a somewhat amicable divorce is possible until we add to the mix intense emotional agendas and personality disorders such as narcissistic, borderline and passive-aggressive, or just an overall refusal to cooperate, trust, and participate.
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“The myth that destroys all intimate relationships… …and how not to get seduced by it!” When you listen to couples who are struggling with their relationship, there is basically one common theme which is told in a variety of ways.

The Themes That Create The Most Conflict: “My ability to love is much greater than yours.” “I am more committed to our relationship.” “I have the biggest hurt.” “I am more open than you are.” “My stability and reasonableness far exceeds your capability.” If you have heard these thoughts either overtly or covertly being expressed in your partnership, then you’ve bought into the myth. You’ve been seduced by the difference game. The Most Dangerous Myth of All: “One of you is better than the other.” There exists the belief that the two of you somehow came together, but within a short time period a glaring difference was revealed which at first wasn’t apparent. Or there might have been signs of this disparity in the relationship, but it was ignored in the glare of the romantic intensity. Now it has become clear that one of the themes listed above, or something similar, is really true. Mistaken Entitlements: “Collecting on what you ‘think’ is owed to you.” Since one of you feels that the relationship is far from being an equal one, the lesser party will need to make up for that imbalance. This will occur in two ways: The first way is reminding your partner constantly about the inequity. “How do you expect me to feel when you love me so little?” “Because of your lack of commitment, this relationship will never be anything!” “Nothing can ever satisfy you!” The second way is cashing in on the debt. “I don’t have to have sex based on the love shortage and commitment in this marriage!” “Why should I come home when you act so irrationally?” The Biggest Illusion That Holds Couples Back: “I have made my case against you.” Couples who fail to see through the myth spend their time proving and validating in all kinds of ways the belief that “We’d have a great relationship if it weren’t for you.” Those who are able to hold on to the illusion of being better for a sufficient length of time are often granted the price of divorce. This enables a couple to participate legally, as well as emotionally, in making the other truly pay for the inequality that he or she had to endure. This hierarchical thinking ends up painful for all, especially the children. How to Expose The Myth: Confessing that you selected the person that you are with All couples pick their partner, even though it is largely unconscious. Why else would they be together? Surely in this day and age, it was not prearranged by outside sources. Any appearance of imbalance in a relationship is due to the role-playing and posturing partners unconsciously agree to. Pursuers connect with distancers, open individuals link up with private people, as part of their character patterns. It has nothing to do with love. In fact, you can only match up with someone who has the same capacity to love as you do or you wouldn’t be together. If you were really different in your love capacity, you’d display “loving disinterest” and simply pass in the night without a remark. I agree with the well known family therpapist Carl Whitaker’s assertion: “The love on both sides is equal. Partners merely take turns with who is going to insist on the love, and who is going to protect against it.” How to Find Real Security By Learning to See Beneath The Mythical Differences: “Learning that we are the same.” We often ask why do you couples stay together? They remain married or involved because at the core they are the same. The sameness I speak of does not refer to specific individualized skills, but in their being equally wounded, equally frightened, and equal in their willingness to risk exposing who they are. All of the surface behavior, regardless of how different the partners may look, are merely a façade to hide this truth: Involved couples have the same capacity for intimacy. When a couple can recognize and integrate this attitude of mutuality, they no longer need to see the other as the enemy, have much desire to be righteous, or use the other to engage in ongoing conflict. Instead there is humble softening and sense of safety that occurs in the relationship, and their hearts truly open toward the other. In addition, with a foundation of sameness, a couple can support all of the differences that will naturally emerge in the relationship; the acceptable and the unacceptable. Remember This Secret of Relationships: “Those who perceive themselves as unequals have a greater risk for divorce” The ultimate goal of mutuality is not to find a connection you lost. It is to recognize a connection you’ve always had. When you see yourself and the world through the eyes of real equality, there is nothing to fear, nothing to prove, and nothing more you must be.